It has come to my attention that there is a great injustice in America. Is it the fact that we have over 20% unemployment, that we have the largest prison population in the world (both in relative and absolute numbers, surpassing the Soviet gulag), that we are starving the elderly with ZIRP, that millions of children are being deprived of legitimacy and fatherhood (40.8% of children are born to unwed mothers), or that we are saddling those same suffering children with more debt than there is money to ever pay it back?
No, no, none of that is important, or even anything to be concerned about. That’s all part of the plan, and it is something to cheer. No, today we’re here to talk about the One True Injustice.
Women do not make up a plurality of workers in all occupations, defined as being at least 25% of employees in a field. It’s a real travesty. Not only are they only about 15% of corporate officers (a shameless boy’s club), they are also of negligible numbers in the following occupations:
|Occupation||Employed Both Sexes||Employed Female||% Female|
|Brickmasons, blockmasons, and stonemasons||230||1||0.4|
|Maintenance workers, machinery||55||0.4||0.7|
|Bus and truck mechanics and diesel engine specialists||358||3||0.9|
|Structural iron and steel workers||77||1||0.9|
|Tool and die makers||71||1||1|
|Heavy vehicle and mobile equipment service technicians and mechanics||217||2||1.1|
|Dredge, excavating, and loading machine operators||60||1||1.2|
|Pipelayers, plumbers, pipefitters, and steamfitters||606||8||1.4|
|Electrical power-line installers and repairers||109||2||1.4|
|Operating engineers and other construction equipment operators — carpenters||1,562||24||1.5|
|Operating engineers and other construction equipment operators — operators||398||6||1.5|
|Automotive service technicians and mechanics||852||14||1.6|
|Electronic home entertainment equipment installers and repairers||75||1||1.6|
|Aircraft mechanics and service technicians||153||3||1.7|
|Stationary engineers and boiler operators||101||2||1.7|
|Radio and telecommunications equipment and installers, and repairers||86||2||1.9|
|Highway maintenance workers||103||2||1.9|
Source: Department of Labor, numbers in thousands
I am sure that you all understand how this deep injustice cries out for retribution. How dare bricklaying companies unfairly discriminate against women! Think of all the young girls who dream of being roofers and installation workers when they grow up, whose dreams are being cruelly dashed against a mountain of misogyny.
What are we to tell our daughters? We should be ashamed of ourselves for not fighting earlier against this grave atrocity. We all know that there is no physiological or mental difference between men and women, other than one has an outtie and one has an innie. The only plausible explanation for women’s underrepresentation in these fields is sexism. The great evil of our time; a highly uncivilized era when girls don’t yet rule and all of society suffers accordingly.
Did we abandon the drudgery of the home to wallow in a climate-controlled office, pushing worthless papers around a desk and Facebooking? No way! We moved on to move up; from menial childcare of our own progeny to esteemed excavator operators in coal mines. Why should men get to have all of the fun?
We must act, and we must act now! I propose we create a quota system for these jobs, just as we have for the white collar occupations. For some strange reason these jobs pay unusually well, considering that they often don’t require a master’s degree or other valuable qualification. We need these jobs! We women need this employment so that we can earn a living wage to feed our unemployed boyfriends and bastard children.
Now, I know that you might say that not every woman is interested in such rewarding work, but since when have women’s preferences been of interest to feminists? We’re all about choices — making sure that women have the right choices to choose from. We need to concentrate on what’s right, not on what individual women want. If you let women decide, they might become prostitutes or something even worse, like a homemaker.
So, the next time you are sitting cozy at home during a hurricane and you hear a news report of some male utility workers trying to keep the electricity on during the storm, just think about the sheer unfairness of it all and weep at the cruelty of patriarchal oppression. Then go to bed and sleep deeply. The lights will probably be on in the morning.