From dud to stud

Posted on July 30, 2011 by

A lot of modern women complain about their man’s lack of ambition. That he’s lazy, that he’s always bored, that he doesn’t seem to care about anything, and so on.

I used to be baffled by this, as every man I’ve closely interacted with became extremely ambitious during their involvement with me, so I simply assumed that having a close involvement with a woman was all it took to “get a man going”. This is the way it’s been my whole life, when dealing with men: friends, dates and mates, relatives, colleagues, bosses, etc. It is the same with my close female friends and relatives. Regardless of how apathetic or uninvolved he is when he meets her, within a few months he’s moving ahead at full steam, even if they are not sexually involved at all.

Apparently, there’s something more to it. It must not just be “having a woman around”, but the way that woman interacts with him that makes him more ambitious and energized. So, I’ve brainstormed a bit, and here’s what I’ve come up with:

  • Keep him challenged. Men seem to give up and check out quicker when they lack concrete goals. They are dulled by the mundane. If he seems bored give him more to do, and he’ll perk back up again. Counterintuitive, but it always works.
  • Ask him for help and be appreciative. He loves to help and feel needed. I admit it: I regularly ask men for help on things I can do myself. No, they don’t seem to mind at all. I have no idea why this is so.
  • Be insightful. Recognize his talents and abilities, point out their unique nature, and then encourage him in activities where he can put them to best use. If you know he has his sights set on something particular, turn to face the way he is looking, and then start shoving him in that direction.
  • Dream big, and make him the star of the show. Think up a business he can head, a project he can lead, a task he can be in charge of. The more confident you sound when you say, “And you’d be just the man for the job!” the more stars will shine in his eyes. Men are reluctant leaders, and second-guess themselves a lot, so he’ll need you to remind him of why you think he’s the ideal candidate.
  • Have his back. Be his voracious and intimidating guard dog, but be openly submissive to him. People should be slightly afraid of him, with you around. Remember that if a strong and confident woman is in submission to him, it makes him look bigger and badder, and everyone will think he’s important. It’s the old, “Behind every great man, there’s a great woman,” trick.
  • Promote him, but don’t be annoying about it. Make sure that if you openly admire or compliment him, you sound clear-eyed and cool-headed. Anything said in a dreamy or girlish tone will not be taken seriously. And don’t overdo it, or everyone will think you’re just overcompensating. You get extra-points for admitting his small pseudo-flaws, and looking smug and self-satisfied when you’re with him.
  • Refuse his self-criticism. Don’t allow him to put himself down. Show strong disapproval whenever he does it, and turn it around on him. Point out that you’re high-status, so the fact that you admire him makes him high-status, and anything else is an insult to yourself.
  • Don’t outdo him in his task, even if you can. It accomplishes nothing, makes him feel unsure of himself, kills his ambition, and is therefore completely counter-productive.
  • Give him lots of positive feedback. Do pointless girly-things like baking him a batch of brownies, smile and laugh at his jokes, and occasionally say something like, “You know, sometimes after I talk to you, I walk away feeling like I’ve gotten just a bit smarter.” If he accomplishes something, act excited.
  • Ask him for his opinion. He usually doesn’t care which choice you make, but he likes that you asked. Just don’t ask him about everything, or you’ll start to get on his nerves. Accept his answer with a curt nod, and continue working without further comment. You were just “receiving orders”, you see.
  • Don’t allow anyone to denigrate him, or men in general, in your presence. Make it clear that you value him and that he’s important, and that they need to be showing the proper respect. This will carry over into their interactions with him, and they’ll be more deferential.
  • If he makes a mistake or something doesn’t work out, play it off. Play it off, play it down, get over it, set a new goal. Don’t allow him to dwell on it, or he’ll get depressed. Keep him moving, as he’ll quickly slow to a stop otherwise. If life hands him lemons, get out your juicer and start exclaiming over how much you just love lemonade… and what an opportunity!… and isn’t this a great chance to start up that lemonade stand you’ve always wanted?
  • Raise your own status. If you are fat, lose weight. If you are poorly-dressed, change your wardrobe. If you have bad manners, learn to correct them. If you are ignorant, pick up a newspaper. Etc. The more high-status you are, the higher-status he will be because of his association with you. It will also make other men treat him more deferentially, which will increase his confidence.
  • If you’re married, make him feel desirable. Ask him for slightly more sex than he wants. So, if you know he likes to have sex about every-other day, try to seduce him on an “off day”. You’ll probably get rejected occasionally, and that’s the whole point of the exercise. Being able to turn a desirable woman away will boost his self-confidence. If you’re abstaining, act slightly desperate, like you can hardly wait. You feel faint because the mere presence of his masculine hotness overwhelms you.
  • If you see a woman checking him out, point it out and then dismiss her. As if she had a chance… she’s not even in your league… she wishes. Make it clear that you’re a band, he’s the band leader, and they’re mere groupies. The more women that get pushed down to groupie-level, the cooler the band is. Don’t act jealous though, act smugly self-confident. Yes, he’s hot. No, you can’t have him.
  • Pray with him, and for him. Ask God for whatever he needs before you ask for anything for yourself.
  • Don’t work against him. Internalize his desires and wants, and act accordingly on his behalf. Support him in achieving his goals, and don’t slow him down. You should be alternating moving things out of his way, and pushing him from behind.

Is this faking or roll-playing? No, of course not. You singled him out for this attention because you see his potential, and now you’re trying to help him fulfill it. The general goal is to set the bar high and make it clear that you know he can meet it. He will rise to the challenge, and when he gets to the top, he’ll love you for it.

Posted in: Relationships