When Queen Bee Bosses Attack!

Posted on September 5, 2011 by


I will openly admit that this post serves as a form of venting for me, but I am also hoping that it serves as a catharsis for others who must endure one of the worst forms of psychological torture known to humankind:

Having a female boss!

You all here know how much I looooove my job. My job is in a field that is heavily infested with women. Many of these women do not know how to make good decisions or how to be effective leaders. I decided to do a quick google search to see what the rest of the folks on the interwebz had to say and came across the following:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/42549761/ns/today-relationships/t/bad-female-boss-she-may-have-queen-bee-syndrome/

“It’s rare to find it in the workplace, according to a few new studies. Three quarters of men said they would much rather work for a man than a woman. A quarter of woman polled found their female bosses to be backstabbing and to have poor personal boundaries when it came to sharing their personal lives at the office…”

When we take a look at the psychological nature of women, this makes sense, doesn’t it? Numerous studies have found that with women in the workplace, they find it more difficult to keep home life out of work. Men find it more difficult to keep work life out of home however they are better equipped to handle the stressors of work and therefore can manage these conflicts more readily compared to women. It is common for women to bring their problems from home into work and then share it with other women. It is also expected that the other women readily demonstrate their compassion and “oh, I know exactly how you feel!” crap despite the fact that may not be true. When you do not show that you are feeling what they are feeling, you are considered a bitch. In other words you are supposed to present a facade instead of facing reality.

Facing reality? Uh-oh…STING.

“The Queen Bee boss is the alpha female who tries to preserve her power at all costs.”

Aha! Maybe that’s it. The mere fact that the term “alpha” is used in this description screams how incredibly wrong that entire situation is.

I have learned that women bosses in the workplace are about maintaining the status quo and withholding information. Keeping pertinent information from others is about ensuring that the power does not get transferred. It is true that knowledge is power. If you have a Queen Bee Boss, why in the world should she do anything to jump start the catalyst to your professional growth and success? In addition we must also consider the fact that preserving the status quo means that the main issue is avoided: conflict resolution. For most people conflict resolution is a difficult skill to attain. Once attained, it does not guarantee success in your favor with every situation.

However conflict resolution is necessary because it presents a situation of problem-solving but most dangerously to the Queen Bee Boss, it also presents a situation that allows for the transfer for power. How so?

Through my observations and experience in life, conflicts can bring out certain characteristics of people. Some of these characteristics may be positive and some may be negative but you cannot always predict these. Nonetheless these are important because it forces the Queen Bee Boss to re-evaluate her place within the situation and it is necessary for her to determine whether to sting or not. Most likely, she will sting to stop the situation in its tracks.

“In some cases, women who reach the top, try to manage like men, yet it doesn’t work as well for them. Men can behave in a way found unacceptable in women. Loud, public directives from the female boss is often interpreted as nasty or offensive. For men, this is not always the case. Perhaps this is because women are expected to be more maternal and interact on a more personal and intimate level.”

You can tell this article was written by a feminist (rolls eyes). Women do not make any attempts to manage like men. Men are direct, are problem-solvers, and are solution-based in terms of their approach. Men have a tendency to analyze situations to look at the long-term implications and to see if there are details which have been missed. Women bosses do not make any attempts to do this. I find it funny that the author of this article states that female bosses make loud public directives. Do most female bosses even know what the word “directive” means?

Here’s another that I found incredibly hilarious:

http://www.care2.com/causes/female-bosses-are-a-nightmare-another-study-find-that-men-and-
women-prefer-male-bosses.html

Warning: This is obviously from a feminist website.

“For example, female bosses are (and I quote):

  • hormonal (read: moody, “that time of the month”)
  • incapable of leaving their personal lives at home (read: emotional) only too happy to talk about their staff behind their backs (read: gossipy)
  • backstabbing (read: manipulative, fake)
  • loose cannons (need I say more)
  • feel threatened by colleagues (read: insecure)
  • sharp tongued (read: bitchy)
  • too cliquey (read: catty)
  • too competitive (read: aggressive)
  • spend too long worrying about their appearance (read: vain)”

It is so laughable that the author of this article takes offense at these character descriptions when they are true!

According to Forbes:

http://www.forbes.com/2010/05/27/women-boss-success-forbes-woman-leadership-work_2.html

“The results were striking. Even though the two case studies were exactly the same except for the gender of the main character, the male character was found to be more likable and more likely to be hired. The woman was considered power hungry, and the more aggressive students perceived her, the more they disliked her. It’s tired but true: Executive women are damned if they act like men, and damned if they don’t.

The better bet? Authenticity inspires people and forms solid relationships with others, says Edmonson Bell. Good male leaders are authentic. They talk about being a Marine; they talk about their maleness. “Being a woman doesn’t have to be a big deal, it’s just a part of who you are. You don’t have to hide it,” she says.”

Let me be blunt here. Women bosses are not authentic because it’s about a power struggle. Authenticity requires one to reveal vulnerabilities but this is done in a way to show that you are another person, not someone who wants to be pedestalized. A male boss who is able to do demonstrates that he is able to manage in a way that is relational and authoritative. A female boss is about her power. Hence the term emPOWERment. There is a reason why this term is the buzz phrase for feminists.

I doubt that executive women are damned if they don’t act like men. Men in the workplace who are able to become execs often had to make a lot of personal sacrifices, put in hard work, and did not expect anything in return. Many women in the workplace believe in “entitlements.” If anything, a woman in the workplace had these expectations while she worked her way up to be an exec, and knew how to use manipulation in a negative way to achieve what she wanted.

This isn’t good for women. This causes a lot of stress but in order to manage that stress most women bosses resort to displacement, projection, shaming, gaslighting, and rationalization. A man who is stressed deals with his problems as is and from a solutions-based stance. Women often expect other women to know how they are feeling, and when this is not shared it causes strife. Never mind the fact that they are two completely different sentient beings, it’s about feelings!

I have come to the conclusion that there is NO SUCH THING as a “sisterhood” in the workplace. To any woman out there who must deal with the Queen Bee Boss, arm yourself with something to treat the anaphylactic shock. Because it’s going to hurt.

Posted in: Relationships