How lust ruined sex

Posted on September 15, 2011 by


(This post is not about bunnies and butterflies, and I didn’t censor some of the material, so continue to read at your own risk.)

Most Christian sites don’t write about pornography, except to vaguely reference it in a list of “wicked things” like drunkenness or gambling. That is a problem, as pornography is currently playing a massive role in the decline of traditional marriage in the Church. Rather than get into the “chicken or the egg” debates of “Did feminism lead to pornography?”, I’d like to simply discuss the effect pornography has had on men’s ability and opportunity to experience emotional intimacy.

For reference, I will point to a recent post by Advocatus Diaboli, a blogger who often extolls the virtues of pornography and prostitution as a means of freeing men from women’s sexual tyranny.

Throughout human history, women had one principal leverage over men- the possibility of sex. However, this leverage requires some preconditions:

  1. Acceptable and competitive sexual attractiveness.
  2. Reasonable availability of mediocre sex.
  3. Stigmas against fapping.
  4. Life-long livelihoods for men.
  5. Laws that were not generally unfavorable to men.

As some of you have probably figured out- all those preconditions are in tatters. While older generation of men are still trying to resurrect the dying ways and mores, it appears that the younger generation of men who were exposed to ubiquitous high-quality porn, new sexual opportunities and the negative effects of feminism are not playing by the old rules and expectations.

The rest of the article is quite harsh and explicit, but you get the general message he is sending. I was going to write the article off as more emotionally-deaf blather, but the comments section was more interesting and nuanced, beginning with the following insight:

You forgot 6. Emotional companionship, which is not easily replicated with paid arrangements (at least not in a genuine way). Women still hold that over men, which is why they continue to be in demand, and excessively picky. I don’t know why so many guys forget to bring this up. It’s not a fantasy world for men. It’s gotten a lot worse for (most) men because the supply of decent, undamaged, normal-weight women is getting smaller and smaller.

And further down:

As for effects (and side-stepping questions of should/shouldn’t)…

In nature, natural selection kicks in like a motherfucker when the environment changes abruptly. Free killer HD porn is, also, an extreme abrupt environmental change specific to us humans.

Many bloodlines — especially white western ones who were kicking butt so far — are abruptly dying out right now A) because the men are attaching to porn instead of women, and more importantly B) because the women spend their fertile years getting fat, nasty and/or fuck-and-chucked by the few remaining alpha men who aren’t sucked into porn in the first place.

I mean look at me for instance. I’m 36 and have spent — thank you universe thank you — my first entire week porn-free and fap-free since kindergarten. I can now proceed to slowly get my shit together and then start looking for The Real Deal, with just 1.5 lost decades against me. Sucks, sure, but not over.

But what about the woman who wakes up, like me, 36 and single? Reproductively speaking, she’s just fucked.

So. Who will remain?

1: Cultures and countries too poor for porn (though that demographic shrinks constantly.)

2: Mixed-race progeny of western men like me and indigenous women from group “1:” above.

3: Tight “memetic species” culture groups (Islam, Amish, hard Christianity, etc.) with enough definition and cohesion to resist porn as a national priority and struggle.

After WWI and WWII, no one could recognize the world that remained. Likewise, we will be just as surprised by what we find 50 years from today. I’m a little scared, and also frankly a little excited.

I highlight both of these comments because I think they are spot-on. I would argue that the Church’s teachings about the unitive nature of chaste sex are essential to the revival of the Church itself. Both men and women crave emotional intimacy, with chaste sex being the ultimate physical expression of that intimacy. Unchaste sex, on the other hand, is not a true substitute for this union. Comparing the two is like comparing a bowl of rice to a steak dinner. Yes, the rice will feed you and keep you alive for another day, but it will not truly satisfy you.

If porn and prostitutes were such a panacea to men’s deepest desires for intimacy, tell me one thing: Why is it, that in countries where both of these are widely and legally-available, the men are still so amazingly miserable? Why do they still dream of a loving and willing wife? Why do they crave true companionship from someone who doesn’t need to be paid to perform or stay around (or, as the joke goes, to leave)? Why are so many men “doing without” when they could easily head downtown and “get some” for a spot of cash? What is it they are wanting? What is it that they need? More porn? More prostitutes? Better porn? Better prostitutes?

Or are they looking for something else entirely? Something that years and years of prostitutes, sluts, and porn has perhaps ruined them for. As much as these men now dream of true intimacy, can they ever achieve it? Or have they damaged themselves in damaging the women around them? If union feeds intimacy, does disunion feed apathy? Even if they could find a woman who would offer them a chance at this intimacy, would they be able to receive it?

Not only would I suggest that chastity is the only path to true sexual satisfaction, both inside and outside of marriage, but I would say that any community that does not reinstate chastity as a norm is doomed.

Posted in: Relationships