Singing the modesty blues

Posted on September 17, 2011 by


I’m passionate about modesty. I dress modestly and I encourage other women to do the same. Modest doesn’t have to be frumpy or unattractive, and it is in keeping with protecting the dignity of women and behaving charitably to our Christian brothers.

But sometimes modesty sucks.

Sometimes, — not very often, but occasionally — I’d just rather be the hot chick in the miniskirt and the plunging neckline that every man is drooling over. I admit it. Attention whores are definitely on to something because they definitely get lots of attention. And most of that attention is male, which is the most valuable kind for a woman to receive. (Admit it, ladies, you like it when the guys take a second look.)

As a married woman, this elicits nothing more than the occasional flash of annoyance (Put some clothes on, chica!), but I can empathize with the single women who have to put up with the unfair competition day after irritating day. Dressing modestly in our modern dating market is like unilateral disarmament. And that is because of a single, uncomfortable truth:

Men prefer immodest women.

Not to marry, of course, but to approach or ask out on a date. But, in the end, it doesn’t make any difference. For all of the talk about what they want in a wife, few men actually find a wife while purposefully looking for a wife. Usually they start dating someone, fall in love, and then slide into marriage. So the women who get the most general male attention tend to be the ones who have an easier time getting married.

But some men notice modest women.

Older, married men with daughters react very positively to my modest attire. They thank me for being a great role-model for their daughters. They’re grateful that I’ve disarmed, so that someone might actually notice that their daughter exists at all, without her having to walk around with her assets hanging out and her face spackled over, just to keep up with the competition.

Most importantly — and most encouragingly — men who are actively looking for wives notice modest women.  Modesty conveys qualities that a man looking for a wife might value: fidelity, self-control, self-denial, chastity, temperance, etc. He knows you aren’t engaging your full weaponry in the sex wars, and he’s grateful for it. Your modesty says good things about you, and those things make you stand out more to him than showing off would.

After all, think about it for a moment. Why do those young men give so much attention to immodest women? It’s because of the message those women are sending that they’re sexually available. They aren’t ignoring you because they don’t find you attractive — men aren’t that oblivious to physical beauty that you can effectively hide it from their trained eye. No, they’re ignoring you because they want to have unchaste sex, and you don’t look like a woman who will give that to them.

Do you really want attention from that sort of man? If modesty is important to you, maybe chastity is too. Do you really want attention from an unchaste man who chases after loose women? Perhaps quantity is less important than quality, when it comes to male attention. There are men who will appreciate your efforts, and those are the men who will appreciate you.

Posted in: Relationships