News Roundup

Posted on October 9, 2011 by

  • Dogs are in the news this week. Both as victims of animal cruelty in the craze for Ugg-knockoffs, and as valuables whose theft is steadily rising with the harsh economic times. Apparently, dognapping pays and some burglars are making off with the television and the house pet.
  • American’s High Tech Messiah, Steve Jobs, passed away this week, and the entire country mourned.
  • America is shocked and horrified to find out that Mitt Romney isn’t considered a Christian, but a Mormon.
  • The GOP looks like it might counter the Democrats’ black presidential candidate with an even blacker presidential candidate, Herman Cain. The jokes about “raising Cain” have already started, of course. Perhaps his motto should be “Cain is Able!”
  • Britain continues to wring its hands over its obscene drinking culture, as Gin Lane returns.
  • The Amish are experiencing tribal warfare in a spree of hair-cuttings.
  • OccupyWallstreet continues to gather steam, spreading across the country and resulting in broken toilets and piles of trash all over the United States. They are being mocked by their bankster and corporatist masters, of course, for purchasing products manufactured by corporations. The Masters fail to see the intense irony of their own joke.
  • European banks are crashing, but nobody really cares, as Germany has agreed to foot the bill of recapitalizing them.
  • France’s Muslims create their own apartheid state, while the Turks battle their own separatists.
  • And Americans breathed a collective sigh of relief that their economy is rebounding… sort of.