The feminine woman

Posted on January 30, 2012 by

(Moved here from the post on nagging, as it seems worthy of its own slot.)

Interestingly enough, my husband says most men he talks to perceive his wife (that would be me) as far more feminine than most women.

Mine says the same thing; people are always surprised when they get into a serious discussion with me and realize that I’m not stupid. I apparently look like a simpleton. I’ve noticed the same dichotomy in a lot of the classical homeschoolers I know. The women appear more feminine and behave in a more elegant manner, but their conversations are often quite dry and academic.

Without the masculine framework of manners, mores, and civilization, the most feminine-minded women become rather feral. They follow their basest instincts rather than making the effort to cultivate personas that men will find most desirable in a wife. Women have to rebuild that moral (but not necessarily religious) framework in their own psyche and their own home in order to prosper, and a lot of women just don’t seem capable of doing that. As soon as I hear a woman talking more about her feelings than her thoughts, or whining constantly about the unfairness of everything, or otherwise showing her inability to mature and adapt to reality, I know she’s probably going to end up ruining her life for some sort of romantic nonsense.

The editors here have more of the feminine behaviors, but we’re not more feminine-minded. The feminine behaviors are prized in women because they don’t reflect women’s behavior in the natural state. These are things we’ve adopted to please the men around us, which reflects the fact that we’re unusually perceptive and forward-thinking for women. Things like nobility, selflessness, submission, grace; these are all things most women don’t have in large quantities without cultivating them. Women today have very little incentive to cultivate these things, as they are prized primarily as sexual objects, so that we do so reflects the fact that we value them in our own right and that we’re future-oriented enough to notice that men do value those things eventually — when choosing a wife.

We’re naturally more male-centered (hence our hanging out in the Manosphere), so we tend to focus more on what men like, what men prefer, what men value. Most other women are looking at women higher up the status ladder to find out how to behave. They emulate each other rather blindly, even when it doesn’t make any sense or is self-destructive. Sort of the way they all chase after the same guys, even if those men don’t possess any desirable traits other than being the man being chased after. We can do nothing but stare bewildered and shake our heads. What in the world are they thinking? Nothing much, obviously.

But this isn’t a universal benefit. I’ve wondered if this phenomenon might be contributing to the steady increase in autism among children — the most masculine-minded women are reproducing in higher numbers than the most feminine-minded ones (who seem to mostly be busy chasing their gonadal urges in a relatively sterile manner). You could use the higher marriage rate and lower divorce rate of college-educated women as a proxy for higher intelligence and self-control  — and therefore higher logical skills and more masculine minds.

You won’t see any differential with more feminine-minded women on the outside, of course, as prenatal exposure to testosterone doesn’t seem to noticeably change the appearance at the same time that it dramatically alters the structure of the brain. We’re clever enough to clothe our logical minds in a pretty dress and some strappy sandals. Signaling is important. Men notice these things.