The heart of a woman

Posted on February 3, 2012 by

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few weeks, I’d like to inform you that Halle Berry is now engaged. Except that it might not actually be  true. Yeah, it’s confusing. This isn’t really important news, but it is useful to gossip about her examine her relationship history to glean certain important truths about women.

Crazy women attract crazy men. Halle Berry is notorious for having a string of abusive or insane mates, including one who allegedly hit her so hard that she’s still partially deaf in one ear. If a woman has one or two nutso exes it’s one thing. Everyone makes mistakes. If she’s got three or more, she’s probably part of the problem, and you can assume any man who gets with her for any length of time has some serious issues himself. Even if it’s just some twisted need to protect crazy women from themselves.

Beautiful women are allowed to be bad. Although it takes extraordinary beauty to pull it off, being emotionally rotten isn’t necessarily a barrier to relationship entry, even among “men with options”. But there are limits. At some point women will turn against her en mass, and then even her beauty won’t help her get a decent date. Halle Berry seems to be approaching that sympathy wall, so she’d be best off sticking with the man she now has and working on her character for a change.

Women can be remorselessly cruel. Not only is Ms. Berry instigating confrontations to make her Baby Daddy look like a child abuser, as is traditionally part of American custody battles, she’s also decided to start a public race-war with the foreigner (who clearly doesn’t understand American racial politics and is therefore constantly saying The Wrong Thing).

He is, apparently, a dangerous racist (projection?) who packed away his white cape and burning cross just long enough to reproduce with a black woman, and he is now fighting tooth-and-nail to gain custody of his black bastard just to spite her. Or something like that.

I don’t know… he doesn’t look particularly scary to me (and the judges agree). He just looks sort of tired and stressed out.

Considering the glowing reports she and hers gave of him for years, I can only assume that one of the following is true:

  1. Her post-breakup craziness is driving him insane.
  2. She was lying about him all along. So, she’s a liar.
  3. She’s lying about him now.
  4. All of the above.

In all four cases, she ends up looking pretty bad. So she might want to shut up now.

Halle is apparently so scarred by this terrifying experience with The Other that she’s now decided to hop into bed with another Frenchman. But she doesn’t give up. She valiantly continues her efforts to help Baby Daddy find the exit so that she can finally get on with her crazy life unimpeded.

Posted in: Relationships