Pretend sex

Posted on April 17, 2012 by


The problem with oral sex (as opposed to oral stimulation) is that it’s pretend sex.

It’s a way to have sex without actually having sex, just as anal sex, lesbian sex, masturbation, nostril sex, vacuum cleaner sex, or whatever-they’ve-thought-of-now sex are. The fact that you’re doing it with your husband doesn’t change the fact that you’re not doing it with your husband. You’re just pretending to do it with him, and making a mockery out of the whole thing.

Sometimes we just have to point out the obvious, if unpopular, truth. Are you looking for the truth about chastity, or are you just looking for teachers who tell you what you want to hear?

I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

2 Timothy 4:1-5

Just as tacking the word “marriage” onto “gay” doesn’t result in a valid form of marriage, tacking “sex” onto “oral” doesn’t result in a valid form of sex. Sorry.

We know that such disordered behavior isn’t procreative, but is it even unitive? Really? Does it honor the covenant we’ve made? Does it bring us closer to perfect union with our husbands, or does it drive a wedge between us? Are we doing this to show our husbands we love them (our most common excuse), or are we like Eve with forbidden fruit? Are we offering them things they don’t need and shouldn’t want in order to manipulate them for our own gain, in a shameless power play, and then feeding them the rationalization for it all along with the sin?

Are you just trying to be a good wife? Really? What’s your definition of “good”? At what point is it justified to go from naughtiness to perversion? Do the ends justify the means? Is it alright to desecrate a temple of God for a good cause?

Yes, everyone else is doing it. Everyone else is following Satan, so are you sure you really want to follow after them? Aren’t we supposed to be set apart?

Ladies, take a seat. We need to talk about this.

Posted in: Relationships